Stabby Booby Time

Posted on August 20, 2023 by Raven

Three days ago I had my breast biopsy. Yes, again with the damn MRI machine bangy-bangy bullshit.

The days before this test brought on a bit of agitation, but no fear or dread at all. My emotional state is more of a “Just tell me what this is, and let’s lop off my tits, and be done with this mess!” The masses are small and not invading any other tissue. Be gone with the boobs, and let me move on.

My wife and a dear friend of mine went with me to the UTSW Cancer Center. It was nice to have the company, but mentally I was on mission autopilot. Still no real anxiety. I was a little questionable on the whole needle through my boob scenario, but I had an “it is what it is” attitude. I do admit to having a little 1/2 ounce of Stagg Jr before leaving the house.

We didn’t sit but for a few minutes in the waiting room, before I was called back. Yes I took a selfie with them both, but then thought “is it weird to take selfies at a cancer center?”

Eh fuck it. I’m far from conventional.

So back to the loud-ass MRI room I went.

Again waggling my tits into two holes, but this time the left one was squished with a plate from the outer side. The plate had a grid with holes both vertical and horizontal. This was used as a guide to see where exactly to insert the needle, in order to gather the weird breast-invader tissue for testing.

Then the radiologist numbed my left boob, and stuck the biopsy needle in to gather tissue samples.

Yes the first two injections of lidocaine stung, but the rest was painless. The biopsy needle did not hurt, but the sound and pressure were weird to experience.

Now we wait for the results. This will be either Monday or Tuesday.

Yes, it is likely that I have Breast cancer. My gut is telling me it is more of a yes than a no. Of course there is a small chance this is benign, but honestly I doubt it.

No matter the result, I’m going to push for that double mastectomy. I have a ticking time bomb on my chest, and I do not need that kind of bullshit in my world.

Another MRI

Posted on August 20, 2023 by Raven

After those initial findings in the pancreas MRI, my boob doc immediately scheduled me for a breast MRI.

Let me just say this. A breast MRI is not what I expected. I have had PLENTY of MRIs in my life, and never have I been faced down for a test. Also you have two holes below your chest, which calls for waggling your tits into. They just hang out there looking at the floor of the machine.

The scans were done and aside of the noisy machine and misaligned headphones, it went well.

The results though told a different story.

IMPRESSION:
Multiple enhancing masses are present in a ductal distribution in the left breast and are suspicious of malignancy. While MRI directed ultrasound could be performed, given the patient’s extremely dense breast tissue two area MRI guided biopsy of the most suspicious enhancement anteriorly and posteriorly in the left breast should be performed in the absence of clinical contraindication.
BI-RADS Category 4C:
Suspicious for Malignancy

Well fuck.

Boob doc was on it. She got me in for this biopsy within a few days. I had to tell my wife the results and the game plan. I then had to call friends and tell them what was going on, before I made this kind of news public. I would have made more phone calls, but I was in the midst of a huge project at work, which demanded a lot of time and detailed work. My days and evening were getting chewed up, to the point that I only was able to tell a handful of friends.

So if you’re just hearing about this now, I’m sorry it happened in this manner.

Genetically Gifted? I’d like to return this, please.

Posted on August 20, 2023 by Raven

Back in late 2022, my company offered free genetic screening through Color Labs. Being one who always wants to be aware of my health, I jumped at the opportunity. I’m a nerd when it comes to data, and who wouldn’t want to have as much info as possible about their health and wellness?

Once the results were made available one of their counselors contacted me to go over the results. This was an interesting offering, and different from the 23 and Me process, which was more a DIY read on my results.

The counselor informed me that I had an ATM Gene mutation. She went into an in-depth, but easy to understand explanation, of what this meant in my case.

High risk for breast and pancreatic cancer.

I just listened and took it all in. I think she was surprised at my matter-of-fact attitude. I’m sure she has heard many others panic or freak-out at the news. She released my full results, to send to my doctor, which I immediately did, and my doctor took action.

“I’m sending you to UTSW, and getting you into their genetics program for cancer prevention.”, my doctor said. I trust her care, and have been a patient of hers since 2010.

UTSW set me up with a genetics counselor, and he met with me to come up with a plan. He refered me to a breast specialist, and pancreatic specialist. I had appointments with both within a two week span.

The boob doc, as I call her, met with me, and ordered all the testing. The plan was to alternate a mammogram with a brest MRI every six months in between. We also spoke of other risk-cutting options. I made her aware of my thought of a pre-emptive strike, with doing a double-mastectomy. She agreed with this option, but also suggested that we start with testing, to see how everything looked. Mammogram first, with ultrasound if needed. This was done within a few days of my initial visit.

The mammogram showed some shadowed areas, which called for the ultrasound. After the radiologist looked at those results, he said that everything looked fine, and that it was likely fibrous breast tissue.

The radiologist final report stated:
IMPRESSION:
No mammographic or sonographic evidence of malignancy is seen.
Supplemental Breast MRI screening is recommended in keeping with the patient’s known ATM mutation status.
Screening mammogram in 1 year is recommended.

BI-RADS Category 2:
Benign Findings

Two months later was my pancreatic MRI. This was a scan of pretty much my entire torso. I was told that if there were any abnormal findings of other organs, that I would be refered to doctors to address any concerns.
Results:
IMPRESSION:

2-5 subcentimeter cystic pancreatic lesions without worrisome features.
Asymmetric enhancing nodules in the left outer lower breast are not further assessed on this study. Patient had prior breast mammogram and ultrasound 05/11/2023 where supplemental breast MRI screening was recommended for patient’s known ATM mutation status.

Pancreas good.

Left breast? Ehhh WTF?

So much to catch up on

Posted on August 20, 2023 by Raven

I debated on resurrecting this old blog, to start posting the new happenings in my life, or starting fresh with a new one. It’s been years since I posted any content. With the creation of social media, blogging just didn’t seem necessary anymore. Blogging now is the old school way to publish the goings-on and happenings in one’s life, like sending word via carrier pigeons, or US Postal Service.

But here we are, and here I go, so settle in for as fast a recap as possible of the past, and an update of the present.

Yes, I still run. I still LOVE running. I went from road to trail running, and got to see a lot of nature that was missed by pounding the pavement on the city streets. However after rolling my ankle one too many times, due to clipping my foot on evil roots and trail rocks, I took a break from the outside. I dove into the world of Peloton, and bought a bike. The content hooked me in enough to splurge on one of their big ass chunky slat-belted treadmills. I LOVE it!

Normally I am either on that Tread or the Bike every day. I take a day or two off if I feel the need, but these things are my jam, and keep the daily work stress from eating me alive.

I lost my best boy/running buddy Ringo a little over a year ago, and it still kicks me in the chest… HARD. He was my soul pup, and kept me mentally alive more than he will ever know. Cancer is a mother fucker, and I’m seeing this more and more the case in my life.

In 2019 I got married, moved from my home of 20 years to a house WITH A POOL. I mean this is Texas and in the summer it is hell on earth, so you need a pool to endure this ridiculous heat. We host pool parties and have friends over from the old neighborhood. It’s a fun place, but we are still in Texas….. which has questionable values, leadership, and beliefs. I really wish it were better here for everyone, but that’s a frustrating topic I care to not dive into.

I started a career with a company that truly keeps me on my toes. IT is ever evolving, at a hellaciously rapid pace, and at times it’s hard to find the minutes to learn the newest of the newest that was new until this other new thing emerged. It’s crazy.

I’m coming up on my double-nickels birthday in a couple of months. Fucking hell. When did I age? No… not when did I get old, because I don’t believe that I am a version of old. I am an advanced version of “well schooled through life’s experiences”.

Bourbon has become a hobby. Yes BOURBON. My wife and I even made a vacation out of it, by spending over a week on the road through Tennessee and Kentucky , to see every distillery we could. It was a great time. However the number of bottles we have obtained and purchased through the past two years is astonishing and a bit over-the-top. FOMO lives in the whiskey world, and it swallows people up. We are getting comfortable with saying no to buying a new or sought-after bottle. There is also the fact that we have no more room to house any more. Our liquor cabinet casts a hell of a shadow on any bar we pay to drink at. In fact going into a bar now for me, is disappointing. I could drink better at home, but also we do need to get out of the house some times.

We survived Covid. The stay-at-home life, changed a lot of things. It made me less likely to want to go out, and it gave me the opportunity to be here to care for two of my pups who became seriously ill (one made it, and one didn’t), and to become 100% remote with my career. I did eventually catch Covid twice. Both times were a unique experience. My sense of smell and taste have never been the same. I didn’t lose either when sick, but they are a little more muted after recovering. This makes it challenging to pick out the different nuances from various whiskeys. My palette is shit, but I can at least know what tastes good to me and what I will never drink again.

My health has been super great and then fucking awful at times. Besides the Covid bullshit, I have come up against weird autoimmune issues that disappear out of the blue, the removal of reproductive things and subsequent hormonal wars, severe and painful spinal issues in my lumbar which keeps me in physical therapy every week, with a sprinkle of hypothyroidism which ballooned my weight up and made me feel like a slug. I’ve wrangled all that shit in, and have been feeling like a champ this year.

It’s been a wild ride for sure. I cannot believe that it has been a decade since I wrote here!

Hello again!